First Year Experience & Students in Transition

Relationship Issues

Montgomery, et. al, point out that to function in a happy and healthy manner, humans need one another. Everything we learn in life comes through and from our relationships with others. Throughout our lives we experience a myriad of relationships. We are someone's sibling, friend, lover, etc. Montgomery, et. al, remind us that each of these relationships has its own individual dynamics, but all successful relationships have some similarities. The most important elements of all relationships are that of honesty and loyalty.

Interpersonal relationships are an important part of our lives. We often define who we are through our relationships with others. As we experience change in our lives, we often experience change in our relationships. We therefore change how we define ourselves. As a college student, being a roommate or a classmate may play a greater part in your life than being a sibling or a child. Forming positive relationships within the UMD community will be a key element in your transition to college and will lead to a more satisfying college experience.

Please explore the following ways to help you develop positive relationships:

Roommate Relationships
Whether you're living on campus or in an off-campus apartment or house, you will become part of community which requires you to interact and communicate with several other students on a regular basis. And more specifically, you will be sharing a small living space while having daily interaction with another individual. Whether you're living with someone you've never met before or with your best friend from high school, your relationship with your roommate takes careful planning and maintenance. Current students emphasize that open communication is one of the keys to a successful roommate relationship. To help ensure that your living environment is enjoyable try implementing these tips.

• Discuss important issues up front. Cover everything from sleep habits to views about sex, alcohol, and other drugs.
• Consider a contract. Some people find it easier to stick to formal agreements.
• Negotiate and compromise. Practice the art of "give and take" when making agreements about guests, cleaning, etc.
• Try mediation if you can't resolve a problem. A third party may help you clarify issues and reach a solution.

In addition, an expert within the field of communication offers this advice.

Friendships
Mongtomery, et. al, point out that as a new college student, you have a clean slate when it comes to your friends. You need to choose your friends carefully. You want to spend time with people who have interests in common with yours. But you also want your friends to have ambition, good work habits, positive attitudes, and high ethical standards.

As you make a few good friends, you will find that you will become friends with their friends, and so on. Developing this social network is one of the most fun and exciting things you will do your first year in college. Enjoy this time of making friendships. The friendships you make during your college years may be among the most significant and enduring of your life. A key to your transition will be allowing yourself to be open to meeting other people. Take advantage of opportunities to meet other students by joining a student organization, forming study groups with classmates, and engaging in other activities around campus.

Love Relationships
There are many different degrees of love relationships. Sometimes they involve thinking with our hearts and other times with our heads. Ideally, they should involve both. Montgomery, et. al, remind us that loving someone means caring about that person's happiness, trying to understand and to be understood by that person, and giving as well as receiving emotional support.

Relationships are often experiments as we test how we like another person's company, whether we share the same beliefs, values, and interestes, and how that person makes us feel. Mature love relationships require communication and trust in order to develop into commitment. It is important to invest in your own identity and to feel comfortable with yourself before entering a committed relationship. Some students will meet and fall in love with their lifelong partner while in college, but many will not. Exercise caution as you venture into the dating scene.

Montgomery, et. al, point out that most love relationships involve intimacy to some degree. Intimacy is not synonymous with sex. Intimacy refers to the emotional openness that usually develops over time between two people who love each other.

UMD Health Services offers services which allow you to explore yourself as well as your relationships with others. Health Services also provides counseling and medical services related to being sexually responsible.

Loneliness
Montgomery, et. al, state that developing friends helps you to develop your sense of community and allows you to minimize the feelings of loneliness that so many college students experience. Occasional feelings of homesickness and even loneliness are very normal. For most students, moving away from home to attend college is the first long-term separation from family and friends. You can overcome these feelings through increasing your involvement in the campus and Duluth community and by making a greater effort to make friends. You need to remember that finding your niche on campus takes time. Be patient and enjoy meeting new people.

To help you through loneliness:

• Join a campus club that involves one of your hobbies or interests.
• Go to various events that are designed for meeting new people. Talk with the First Year Experience & Students in Transition staff members about activities happening on campus.
• Participate in any academic activities sponsored by your department or join an academic club. Ask one of your classmates to be a study partner. In fact, first year students are encouraged to form study groups as a way to compare other's perceptions about course materials.
• If you live on campus, tell your Resident Assistant that you would be willing to volunteer for any committees, activities, etc. Work with your Resident Assistant to plan activities for your floor/section that may help you meet people.
• Get a part-time job in the field you are studying.

If feelings of loneliness persist, talk to your Resident Assistant (if you live on campus) or talk to a counselor at Health Services. Counseling services are free and Health Services staff are friendly and helpful. Aslo, stop by the Student Activities office in 115 Kirby Student Center to find out how easy it is to get involved on campus.

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References:
Montgomery, Rhonda, Moody, Patricia, & Sherfield, Robert. (1997) Cornerstone: Building On Your Best. Boston: Allyn and Bacon.